I'm Moving

Over here

http://abysscomics.wordpress.com/

Seeya there!

The Abyss

What is the Abyss? I'm taking my comics off the internet and into a print magazine. Why? Because (whisper it so the internet doesn't hear) reading comics on the internet takes 90% of the enjoyment of reading comics and fucks it down the toilet.

I recently have had the pleasure of reading old issues of Zap Comics, Blimp and Dr. Wirtham's Comix & Stories. These were comics from the 60's and 70's featuring R. Crumb and the like. They are fantastic. And, if you'll pardon a brief moment of wankdom, they are exactly what comics should be. You should be able to roll comics up and shove them in your bag, you should be able to read them on the bus, read them in your back yard or on the toilet. Yes, you can do that with a laptop and wifi (except roll it up and shove it your bag, I assume) but I've come to realise that this isn't the point.

Don't get me wrong, I love the internet. I do, it's just not the best place for comics. Scott Kurtz will tell you different (because he wants you to buy his book on webcomics). Then again, Scott Kurtz, while undoubtedly successful, has one of the blandest comics on the internet. Were he to arrive on this blog the first thing he would say to refute this is that he gets hundreds of thousands of hits a day, what do I get? Not as much as that, sure.

But does the amount of hits you get on the internet matter? In Net Land, yes. In reality, no. The fact that he gets hundreds of thousands of hits a day is inconsequential. All it really shows is that just because a fly swarm buzzes around a pile of dogshit doesn't mean it's a steak dinner.

And this is my problem. The internet, for comics, is a safety net. You're in a creative half life where (bar the odd troll) most people will say that you're the fucking best ever just so they can get a link. Contrary to what most people think the internet isn't full of hate filled trolls, mostly it's full of link hungry cuddlefish just out to either 1) Lick arse to spam their own blog or 2) uh Lick arse to spam their own blog. And if that's what it takes to be a web success, then fuck it, you can keep it.

I can't end up like 98% of webcartoonists begging for donations or talking to myself on my forum, because if that ever happens, I've instructed my wife to shoot me.

I wrote to my favourite cartoonist a few months ago and he wrote back with a very concise answer.

"If you're any good, do it for real".

Putting comics on the internet, no matter how much we want it to be, isn't "for real". So fuck it, I'm going to put it out there. See what happens.

I'm still going to be online, it's just that 95% of my comics won't be. They'll be in your local comic book shop, music shop, pub, club, head shop and whatever store I think should/will stock it. It'll be free.

I don't know about you, but I'm excited.

Looseville

No comics for a while. A rather big project that myself and the Otter Man have been working on has moved on a stage further. Keep coming to Looseville though, there'll be comics and sketches there real soon. Plus, I'll be throwing some shit up here too.

Lucky you, huh?

Can I have another Internet please? This one is Boring.

The Irish Blogosphere just got a little bit more boring today as everyone who's anyone is again banging on about the fucking recession. Economic treason this, robbing cunts that. Hasn't this all been said a million times before by a million other people with the exact same results i.e. a lot of steam off the Comment Section Brown-Nose Monkey Brigade but fuck all in the real world.

This recession is everywhere. It's on the radio, it's on the TV, it's on the newspapers and now it's on every fucking blog in the country worth reading. God damn. I go online to escape from that shit not read the same thing that's in the papers except with 'cunt' thrown it. Yawn.

And what's all this talk doing?

Fuck. All.

Unless people actually go out and do something about these treasonous cunts, these robbing cunts, then all it is is talk. Boring, circular, do nothing talk that's the equivalent of throwing knobs of your own shit at an oncoming train.

And do you know what's weird? Blogs that stemmed directly from the recession i.e. The Unemployed, manage to avoid all this bombastic, rise-up-people-rise-up shit to the point where it's one of the few things left on the Irish blogosphere these days that isn't gleefully munching on it's own arsehole, that and the ever entertaining Arse End of Ireland.

There's a good few more but I won't bother my arse listing 'em. You know who they aren't at any rate.

Clearasil - May Cause Confidence

Huh? May Cause Confidence? The kind of confidence that rapists have?

Now show me your pussy.

Try this lads. Please. Walk up to a complete stranger in the cinema, ask them an unusual question to put them off their guard, score with her, leer at her like it's a bad porno and .... then? Well, in the ad, the girl looks almost charmed. Maybe they go to the cinema together. Maybe they fall in love and get married. Maybe this ad is flashback from when they retell this story to their grandchildren.

Or in real life, the girl would've started screaming until the cops arrived to cart your ass off to the fucking Gard Pound.

Bullshit ad logic.

Watching Miami Ink on DMAX

Is making me want to have a tattoo. Don't tell my wife. Wife, if you're reading this, don't... don't tell... yourself. If you let me have a tattoo, I'll let you have a scooter. Deal?

Snuff's Enough

First of all, as a human being, I feel sadness that another human being i.e. the real life human being, Jade Goody has terminal cancer. Full stop.

As for Jade Goody, media construct I feel nothing but revulsion. Why? Because we, as a society, have finally reached rock, rock bottom.

I was flicking through the channels the other night and I came across this "Jade" show on Living TV. I had heard of it, of course, but up until then I had never seen it. Jade looked terrible. Balding and sick, of course, but still talking to camera about her blood transfusion and how her bones aching made it hard to get up in the morning. Then, ad break. Car commercials, food commercials, insurance commercials. Sexy women slinked across the screen trying to sell shit you'd never want or need. Then I turned it off. I couldn't watch anymore, I couldn't.

Because that's when the veneer of this sham fell right off.

This show, this media spectacle, isn't about helping to save lives, it's chronicling, for posterity, the death of a young woman for our perverse enjoyment. Don't for a minute believe anything else. This is no different from having a woman in a bikini walk next to a car accident with a sign advertising beer to the passing rubberneckers.

The scum in the tabloid press love it. "Brave Jade" they say, "Poor Jade". In January of two years ago they were saying "RACIST JADE IS A NASTY FAKER". In the copy of that article (the Sunday Mirror) said

"Goody didn't only put on a display of ignorant bigotry. In that horrific verbal assault on Shilpa, she revealed herself to be a disgusting, domineering bitch too."

This year they have her on the front page, all soft focus. Brave Jade, Poor Jade, because that sells papers for the tabloids this week. If they thought gloating about her impending death would sell papers then they'd run that and don't think they wouldn't. Remember those words. Disgusting. Bitch.

Living wouldn't be running the show if hordes of people weren't watching it. The ad revenue certainly helps the 'grief' they must be feeling. If the Mirror, Sun, Daily Mail and Star knew it wouldn't sell papers buy the fucking skip full then this story would be page 5, half page boohoo column, at best. Look at Terry Pratchett. Suffering from Alztheimers, an equally horrible disease, but where's his front page? Where are his hourly updates on Sky News? It's because he didn't entertain Michelle from Essex by getting his kebab out on national TV and abuse an Indian woman and that's that.

Jade the media construct is a commodity that those in the media will squeeze every last cent out of before she inevitably, tragically dies. We allow them to by our interest. We rubberneck and disguise it as 'concern' but rubbernecking it certainly is.

Will more women get smears because of this? Probably. They almost certainly have. How about in 6 months? In 3 years? In Jade's name? Probably not. But it'll do for time being. That'll be our excuse as we look on, as we voyeur. It's helping people, right?

With the money she's made from this I hope her kids have some bit of her fortune left to keep them going. If there's any left. Her new husband (jailbird Jack Tweedy) has been put in charge of it until they're old enough.

We'll see how that goes.

I'm sure we'll hear about it if it doesn't go well.

We'll buy the papers and watch the documentary.

Groovy

I've been listening to this all day.

Leeeehet the Sun Shahne...

At the risk of upsetting Laura Izibors many internet blog buddies (there's literally 500000 in Dublin alone), I'll keep this brief, the following isn't really about the lovely Ms. Izibor, it's about Tony Fenton.

Dear Tony/ The Tonester,

"Let the Sun Shine", while a perfectly nice song, has already been played into the fucking ground on the Hibernian/Aviva ads for nearly 10 months now. I understand that "Tony in the Truck going to Limerick" can't go on another minute without knowing "what the song off the ad is", but this doesn't mean you have to play to death a song that was already played to death last year.

Thank You,

Love the show.

Alan Moloney.

PS: What's the song off the Cadburys eyebrow ad? If you could play it 5000-6000 times before next Tuesday that would be really great.

Similarities

Have a look at this ad, from Haribo.



Now, have a look at this hugely popular Will Ferrel sketch.



Tsk tsk Haribo.

Johnathan Ross Ate My Dingo, Baby.

Slow news week again, lads?

Apparently he made a joke about his producer having sex with an old lady.

It's in the News of the World, I'm not going to give a link for reasons I'll explain later.

There's a similar piece in the Mail on Sunday if you want something even more reactionary with your cereal, but I would encourage anyone reading this not to go there either.

For anyone who's in any doubt as to why this is happening again, let me fill you in.

MONEY.

I'd be willing to bet my favourite teapot (I do love it so) that circulation for all the tabloids who ran with the witch hunt the last time this happened went through the fucking roof. I'd double bet you that same teapot that the News of the World, the Daily Mail and the The Sun had somebody watching Johnathan Ross's shows this week like a fucking hawk for anything, anything, that could be seen as slightly offensive to anyone. And why?

MONEY.

Think of how many times the web pages of the newspapers will be visited in the next few days by people who are both there for the witch hunt or disgusted by all the hysteria. Think of the people who'll buy the papers to see what all the fuss is about. Think of all the radio, TV and newspaper coverage there's probably going to be about this during the week, directly refercing the papers involved. Think of all the fucking MONEY these papers are going to make selling this shit to any idiot that'll buy it.

They don't really give a shit about the joke he told, taking one look at The Daily Mail's gushing obiturary for noted bigot and renowned cunt Bernard Manning would confirm that. They only care about blowing up this shit as big as it can get so they can bleed more money from the Moral Majority they claim to represent.

Some comments from the page in question so you don't have to look at the rest of it;

cant stand the mam! he should have been sacked on the spot after the last episode,he needs some of his own medicine and then see how he reacts....not very well as we all know!ive seen him spit his dummy out many a time on tv.

Good idea, although if you can't stand your mam you should really find a better forum for expressing that then the News of the Worlds comment section.

Are you all insaine ,Sack the man he is a liability . Teach him once and for all .Foul mouthed pervert!!!!!

That's a good point too. I mean, are we all insaine?

I AM UTTERLY DISGUSTED THAT ROSS HAS DONE IT
AGAIN ! IF THE B B C BOSS,S WILL NOT LISTEN TO
THE TAPE , THEY SHOULD BE SACKED ALONG WITH
ROSS . WITHOUT ANY CASH PAYOUT ! MOST DECENT
PEOPLE STRUGGLE TO PAY THEIR LICENCE , THESE
IDIOTS GET PAID MILLIONS OF OUR MONEY TO MAKE
FUN OF PEOPLE WHO CAN NOT DEFEND THEIR
SELVES !

See the button next to the "A" key on your keyboard? Caps Lock? Try unpressing it. Just think, you were around a centimetre away from not sounding like a maniac.

And then, this beauty.

MY NAM IS 80 YEARS OLD!!!! WOUD YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER YOU SICK MAN?!

Is that a hypothetical question? Or a proposal?

A Poo at Pauls

Why?

Blog Awards

Looseville has been long (very, very long) listed for Best Newcomer and Best Humour in the Irish blog awards.

Check out the list here.

Early predictions?

Best Humour - Probably going to the Irish Sentinel. Why? It's fucking excellent. That's why.

Best Newcomer - Trust Tommy. You'd be hard pressed to bet against the young lad.

Delighted to be Long Listed though, especially when I've only really been going since November.

Thanks to everyone who nominated me.

Compare the Meerkat

As advertising gimmicks go, this is probably one of the better ones.

Get Off My Ride

The Fall of Homer

Before I start, I do realize that the following has probably been done a thousands times before but, as much as it pains me to say it, The Simpsons sucks now. Sucks fucking hard.

First of all,I'll freely admit that my shit is influenced more by the Simpsons then any other show. Being 15-16 when Seasons 4-9 aired over here completely redefined comedy for me and shaped my sense of humour down a completely different path.

But the show has been on the decline for some time now but I haven't really been able to put my finger on it, until tonight. I was watching an episode online where Homer framed Marge for drink driving or some bullshit. Here's the deal.

The decline in quality of The Simpsons is directly related to Homers descent from good natured boob to idiotic, mean spirited prick.

Remember at the end of the first "in the future" episode where Lisa visits a fortune teller? The one where she marries the English guy, Hugh and in the end Lisa runs up to Homer and he tells her about all the things he did at the fair that day as they walk into the distance?

Now compare that Homer to the reckless vehicle of negligent stupidity that ruins everything he touches and you see where its all started to go wrong. I don't care about Homer anymore and, in fact, I actively dislike him.

I think this decline started for me in the Episode in Season 10 where Homer was supposed to give his dad a kidney except his cowardice led him to leaving his father to die. The problem isn't his kidney. Homer has no heart anymore.

And it's killing the show.

UPDATE: Apparently there's a new Simpsons episode airing on Sunday where Homer suspects a Muslim man - get this! - of being a terrorist! Check out the description from the Sun website (hilarious parts of the upcoming episode highlighted below for convenience)

Tomorrow’s controversial episode of the TV cartoon sees Homer — catchphrase D’oh! — mispronounce Allah as Oliver and call the Koran the Corona after son Bart becomes pals with the Muslim man’s son Bashir.

Classic! Not so much scraping the bottom of the barrel as scraping the fucking Earths Mantle.

Oh what a gloriously hilarious misunderstanding!
Hopefully we'll all learn a little about religious tolerance while
enjoying a good laugh at Homer's nincompooped japery!

More traffic in the last 3 days then I had all last month...

And then my laptop breaks down and I can't update. God damn. Worse still is that I can't update Looseville to tell anybody that. It's like I'm shouting in vain at a group of people that can't hear me. Gah! When I get my laptop back I'm going to fuck it out the window.*

*UPDATE: I won't do that. That would be a bad idea.

Knowing Me, Knowing Gnu

I have a webalizer on my site. Shows me unique visitors, page views, IP addresses, most popular comics, the secret fears of all my readers, country of origin and what people searched for when they came to site. Setra setra.

Weirdly enough, a good few people (well, 13 or so) ended up on Looseville searching for "Gnu's" on Google. They came across this page (look down the bottom near the news post). I'm not sure what's sadder, the fact they went looking for Gnu related content and found my shit instead of actual Gnu content or the fact they were looking for Gnu related shit in the fucking first place.

What the fuck?

Mac Trouble

Who would've thought that the "I've Got a Bad Feeling About This" t-shirt would be so prophetic, eh? The ol' Powerbook went on the fritz today and as a result, you'd better get used to looking at this comic for the next day or so. 

Such a pity too, because I've been getting a lot more readers from the Irish Independent article here where Looseville is named as one of the websites to watch during 2009. Hurrah! Flann O Brien? Why thank you, sir!

I'll be updating here for the next day or so while the Mac is the shop. 

If I could indulge myself for a minute...

Round about 5 years ago now (fuck!) I started doing comics again after fucking around for years in the back of various school journals with James Dwyer.

Number 2 there eventually became one of the most popular comics I did for Mongrel (in terms of the number of prints I sold at least.)

Other People's Loosevilles

Ahhh, some good old fashioned art envy. These are some of the pieces other people have done of my Looseville characters.

By Eric

By Aurelie

By Gav on his fucking Bebo page, of all things.

by Al at Hybrid-Vigour