Can I have another Internet please? This one is Boring.

The Irish Blogosphere just got a little bit more boring today as everyone who's anyone is again banging on about the fucking recession. Economic treason this, robbing cunts that. Hasn't this all been said a million times before by a million other people with the exact same results i.e. a lot of steam off the Comment Section Brown-Nose Monkey Brigade but fuck all in the real world.

This recession is everywhere. It's on the radio, it's on the TV, it's on the newspapers and now it's on every fucking blog in the country worth reading. God damn. I go online to escape from that shit not read the same thing that's in the papers except with 'cunt' thrown it. Yawn.

And what's all this talk doing?

Fuck. All.

Unless people actually go out and do something about these treasonous cunts, these robbing cunts, then all it is is talk. Boring, circular, do nothing talk that's the equivalent of throwing knobs of your own shit at an oncoming train.

And do you know what's weird? Blogs that stemmed directly from the recession i.e. The Unemployed, manage to avoid all this bombastic, rise-up-people-rise-up shit to the point where it's one of the few things left on the Irish blogosphere these days that isn't gleefully munching on it's own arsehole, that and the ever entertaining Arse End of Ireland.

There's a good few more but I won't bother my arse listing 'em. You know who they aren't at any rate.

Clearasil - May Cause Confidence

Huh? May Cause Confidence? The kind of confidence that rapists have?

Now show me your pussy.

Try this lads. Please. Walk up to a complete stranger in the cinema, ask them an unusual question to put them off their guard, score with her, leer at her like it's a bad porno and .... then? Well, in the ad, the girl looks almost charmed. Maybe they go to the cinema together. Maybe they fall in love and get married. Maybe this ad is flashback from when they retell this story to their grandchildren.

Or in real life, the girl would've started screaming until the cops arrived to cart your ass off to the fucking Gard Pound.

Bullshit ad logic.

Similarities

Have a look at this ad, from Haribo.



Now, have a look at this hugely popular Will Ferrel sketch.



Tsk tsk Haribo.

Johnathan Ross Ate My Dingo, Baby.

Slow news week again, lads?

Apparently he made a joke about his producer having sex with an old lady.

It's in the News of the World, I'm not going to give a link for reasons I'll explain later.

There's a similar piece in the Mail on Sunday if you want something even more reactionary with your cereal, but I would encourage anyone reading this not to go there either.

For anyone who's in any doubt as to why this is happening again, let me fill you in.

MONEY.

I'd be willing to bet my favourite teapot (I do love it so) that circulation for all the tabloids who ran with the witch hunt the last time this happened went through the fucking roof. I'd double bet you that same teapot that the News of the World, the Daily Mail and the The Sun had somebody watching Johnathan Ross's shows this week like a fucking hawk for anything, anything, that could be seen as slightly offensive to anyone. And why?

MONEY.

Think of how many times the web pages of the newspapers will be visited in the next few days by people who are both there for the witch hunt or disgusted by all the hysteria. Think of the people who'll buy the papers to see what all the fuss is about. Think of all the radio, TV and newspaper coverage there's probably going to be about this during the week, directly refercing the papers involved. Think of all the fucking MONEY these papers are going to make selling this shit to any idiot that'll buy it.

They don't really give a shit about the joke he told, taking one look at The Daily Mail's gushing obiturary for noted bigot and renowned cunt Bernard Manning would confirm that. They only care about blowing up this shit as big as it can get so they can bleed more money from the Moral Majority they claim to represent.

Some comments from the page in question so you don't have to look at the rest of it;

cant stand the mam! he should have been sacked on the spot after the last episode,he needs some of his own medicine and then see how he reacts....not very well as we all know!ive seen him spit his dummy out many a time on tv.

Good idea, although if you can't stand your mam you should really find a better forum for expressing that then the News of the Worlds comment section.

Are you all insaine ,Sack the man he is a liability . Teach him once and for all .Foul mouthed pervert!!!!!

That's a good point too. I mean, are we all insaine?

I AM UTTERLY DISGUSTED THAT ROSS HAS DONE IT
AGAIN ! IF THE B B C BOSS,S WILL NOT LISTEN TO
THE TAPE , THEY SHOULD BE SACKED ALONG WITH
ROSS . WITHOUT ANY CASH PAYOUT ! MOST DECENT
PEOPLE STRUGGLE TO PAY THEIR LICENCE , THESE
IDIOTS GET PAID MILLIONS OF OUR MONEY TO MAKE
FUN OF PEOPLE WHO CAN NOT DEFEND THEIR
SELVES !

See the button next to the "A" key on your keyboard? Caps Lock? Try unpressing it. Just think, you were around a centimetre away from not sounding like a maniac.

And then, this beauty.

MY NAM IS 80 YEARS OLD!!!! WOUD YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER YOU SICK MAN?!

Is that a hypothetical question? Or a proposal?

A Poo at Pauls

Why?

Knowing Me, Knowing Gnu

I have a webalizer on my site. Shows me unique visitors, page views, IP addresses, most popular comics, the secret fears of all my readers, country of origin and what people searched for when they came to site. Setra setra.

Weirdly enough, a good few people (well, 13 or so) ended up on Looseville searching for "Gnu's" on Google. They came across this page (look down the bottom near the news post). I'm not sure what's sadder, the fact they went looking for Gnu related content and found my shit instead of actual Gnu content or the fact they were looking for Gnu related shit in the fucking first place.

What the fuck?